And so to bed my darling
Dare I anticipate
With lust and pure excitement
Your massive loss of weight
You haven't cut down eating
Or counted calories
Yet still your weight's depleting
By fairly large degrees
You used your toe nail clippers
And round you in small mounds
collected in your slippers
They must have weighed ten pounds
Your armpits got a shaving
And in the garden shed
The mass of hairs you're saving
Could stuff a double bed
And then exfoliation
The flaked off skin was sold
As cheap loft insulation
For houses that were cold
A final facial beckoned
Each spot squeezed would deplete
A bloke was killed they reckoned
Shot down from twenty feet
And so to bed my dearest
For God's sake make it quick
I'll keep a basin nearest
For just in case I'm sick