I sat before my desk last eve
to assess my current plight;
The things I see,you might agree,
indicate a major blight.
My heartbeat is irregular
and likewise are my bowels;
My appetite has flown the coop,
while my nervous stomach growls.
My sex drive took a wrong way turn
on life's highway some miles back.
My drugs for that don't seem to work
so, I'm no good in the sack.
My bones keep going crackle- pop
and my back's in constant pain.
I have fungus on my toenails
and my garden's needing rain.
My teeth and hair are getting thin,
I'm having trouble seeing;
My prostate gland has swollen up
and that restricts my peeing.
That about sums it up for now,
not to mention larger ills.
Did I forget to tell you how
I keep mixing up my pills?
I'll be ninety, old when March arrives
and, with luck I do survive.
So, thank you, thank you, thank you Lord.
Gosh! It's great to be alive.